Whispers of Ghosts
by Kin-outcast1
Summary: Niko's nightmares after "Blackout". No matter what he does, he keeps losing Cal. Spoilers.


_ Can't._

_ Can't._

_ Save him._

_ Smoke and flames fill my nostrils and burn my eyes, and I am surrounded by fire, and screams. Cal's screams_. No, no, please, I've lived through this already. _I can't get out. Great burning tongues are everywhere, and I can almost see faces of monsters behind them. I know that Sophia must be trapped too, perhaps even burning, but these thoughts don't linger long. Because Cal is screaming my name._

Oh, please, God, no.

_I kick through the window, cutting and singeing myself in the process as I land in a rain of broken glass outside – just in time to see it. A great swirling gray hole, surrounded by monsters inside and out – and Cal, dragged through before I can blink. It is gone, he is gone, and then all I can see is black sky and bright mocking stars that spin overhead. And all I can hear is fire crackling and my long, ripped screams of grief and rage. And I will sit here in this grass next to the charred bones of my dead mother and wait for my dead brother who I know will never really come back. And I will cry, even though I never, ever let myself cry._

No. This is not right. Cal is not gone. He's here, in the apartment, this is just a

_nightmare_

_ "Little brother is mine" And there is Cal, and for a moment I think _he is back, I have him back, _but now I notice his eyes. They are bright, unnaturally silver. They are a monster's eyes. But I will wait for him to come back, just like I waited after the fire – soon Cal will be with me again. I will find him … _You do not have to find him, he is here, I tell you …_ This living hell is spiraling out of control, and I am staring now into the black barrel of a gun that is held by my little brother's fingers, and my body is jolted backwards. I will survive, for there's a secret underneath my coat, but that blow might as well have killed me. Cal, where are you?_

_ There is blood. And I hold him, cradle him against me _Cal is alive, Cal is alive _and his eyes are empty and dark with death. He should be talking, filling up the room with stupid jokes and acid humor but his head lolls against me, lifeless. He is gone in my arms. And I can feel the katana between calloused hands now as it cuts, cuts, cuts, through bodies of monsters and then through the body of a young girl with Promise's eyes. There is more blood._

_ There is always more blood._

But you have Cal again. It was all a lie. The Auphe are dead _... hundreds and hundreds of molten red eyes that follow me everywhere, and I cannot kill them_ _… _Darkling is dead _… a black slimy animal with silver eyes slithering out of Cal's head and saying "WE ARE ONE" … _Cherish is dead … _a demon in a white nightgown with a sword clasped in one hand, useless._

_But I do not believe. This world is shifting and my gaping wounds are screaming wide as Cal bends over a deer and fills his mouth with animal blood – and he is hurting, I can feel his pain – and now I'm walking into a restaurant followed by the shadows of all my hungry ghosts, and there is Cal, sitting quietly –I have found him – "Where _the hell _have you been?"_

_ and I know what comes next_

_ "who wants to know?"_

_ And the Auphe surround me, ripping my clothes and howling with laughter, and Darkling slithers across the walls, and Cal stands before me with eyes that same gray but that do not know me, saying "Leandros" "Leandros" "Leandros"_

_ I have lost him._

CAL IS WITH ME, CAL IS HERE

_I will always lose him …_

"Nik?"

My eyes opened. Shadowy faces and knife-sharp words melted into the deep corners of my brain, and I let them – pushing myself up in bed, cloaked in darkness. The sheets were tangled around my feet, and I was holding my katana tightly in one hand. I must've reached all the way under my bed to get it. Damn. I should never be like this, I should always be in control.

Hands gently pried the katana out of my fist, and I turned my head and watched as Cal knelt to push it back underneath my bed. "Holy shit, that must've been one helluva nightmare , Cyrano. Will I have to change your sheets?" He straightened, but the moment his eyes touched mine the whole façade of asshole-humor crumbled. I don't know exactly what he saw, but he looked like someone who'd just been slapped. He shook his head, and said quietly, "I did a real shitty thing to you, didn't I?"

Automatically I said, "It is never your fault." But that was one damn big mistake, because I could see realization click behind his eyes. He could see now I was not only haunted by these past days, by living with a brother who didn't know who the hell I was … but these past years. I was haunted by my life, and there was nothing either of us could ever do about that.

He didn't speak, so I hugged him, as much for his sake as for mine. The nightmares were terrible, but they were truth, and I could be rid of them if I wanted. I could push them out. And yet, as Cal's arms locked around my back and his head dropped onto my shoulder, I felt the acrid taste of heartache fill my throat, as the voices of the Auphe, and Darkling, and Cherish all wormed through my mind and whispered, _Hold on while you can, Niko. It will never be for long._


End file.
